Financial astrology is a wildly unhinged niche of the stock market where legitimate traders and investment bankers literally use planetary alignments and lunar cycles to predict the rise and fall of global assets.

A closer look

Financial astrology is a wildly unhinged niche of the stock market where legitimate traders and investment bankers literally use planetary alignments and lunar cycles to predict the rise and fall of global assets. There are actual hedge fund managers operating in Wall Street right now who will consult the transit of Jupiter before deciding whether to short tech stocks or invest heavily in pork bellies. It is deeply unsettling to realize that the global economy, which dictates the livelihood of billions of people, is occasionally influenced by a wealthy guy in a tailored suit who thinks a solar eclipse is a solid economic indicator to aggressively sell off international bonds