A closer look
Men's underwear sales are a genuinely recognized economic indicator used by former Federal Reserve Chairman Alan Greenspan to detect approaching recessions. Because undergarments are viewed as a private necessity rather than a public status symbol, men tend to defer purchasing new ones when their finances get tight. Therefore, a sudden dip in the sale of men's briefs and boxers signals that the broader economy is about to take a massive nosedive. It is highly comforting to know that the brilliant minds controlling our monetary policy are desperately monitoring the elasticity of American waistbands to figure out if we are plunging into a financial abyss. Just remember that the next time you decide to stretch out those hole-ridden boxers for another six months, you are personally contributing to a terrifying data point on some Wall Street analyst's spreadsheet
