A closer look
Standard professional handshakes transfer an astonishing amount of genetic material and millions of bacterial colonies between two individuals in less than three seconds; engaging in this archaic corporate ritual is essentially a massive biological data breach, swapping dead skin cells, fecal matter, and invisible pathogens with absolute strangers just to prove you are excited to synergize on a new project, which makes it infinitely hilarious that we meticulously sanitize our kitchen counters but gladly grasp the unwashed meat hooks of our colleagues before eating a sandwich, proving that the modern business world is built on a foundation of blind trust, mandatory networking, and the aggressive cross-pollination of whatever hideous viral mutation is currently making its way through the accounting department
