A closer look
Saliva contains a natural painkiller called opiorphin that is statistically up to six times more powerful than morphine at dulling physical pain. It works by stopping the normal breakdown of pain-signaling proteins in your spinal cord, which is incredibly impressive for the fluid you use to moisten a dry bagel. Unfortunately, your body produces it in such microscopic quantities that it does not do much good when you stub your toe or slam your finger in a car door. If you wanted to actually harvest enough of your own spit to replace your ibuprofen, you would need industrial-level drooling capabilities that humans simply do not possess. Still, it is kind of neat to know that your mouth is technically an illegal narcotics manufacturing facility, even if the production quotas are tragically pathetic
