Medical doctor John Harvey Kellogg originally invented bland corn flakes in the late nineteenth century as a dietary anti-masturbation tool, believing that flavorful and spicy foods provoked unhealthy sexual urges.

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Medical doctor John Harvey Kellogg originally invented bland corn flakes in the late nineteenth century as a dietary anti-masturbation tool, believing that flavorful and spicy foods provoked unhealthy sexual urges. He ran an extremely intense sanitarium where wealthy patients were subjected to daily yogurt enemas and strict, flavorless vegetarian diets designed to completely suppress their libido and purify their sinful souls. His brother Will eventually ruined this pure vision by adding sugar to the recipe so people would actually want to eat the cardboard flakes, sparking a massive family feud. Every time you eat a bowl of sugary breakfast cereal, you are directly disrespecting the legacy of a deeply unhinged man who just wanted to stop people from touching themselves!