A closer look
Blaming your terrible text messages on Mercury retrograde is amateur hour. Soviet biophysicist Aleksandr Chizhevsky went all in, mapping 500 years of solar flare cycles against major historical bloodbaths. He genuinely concluded that an overactive sun violently agitates the human nervous system, causing mass uprisings and wars. Stalin was notably unimpressed by the theory that the sun caused the Russian Revolution and shipped him off to the Gulag.






