A closer look
Lobsters communicate with their rivals and potential romantic partners by aggressively projecting streams of highly concentrated urine directly out of tiny nozzles conveniently located right beneath their bulging eyes. When two angry crustaceans face off in a territorial dispute, they will blast each other in the face with these chemical-laced pheromone streams to assert dominance, transmit their exact biological fitness, and politely ask the other lobster to back down before violence ensues. This deeply unhinged biological greeting ensures that fights are often settled purely through a complex urinary negotiation process rather than a physical brawl that might result in losing a valuable claw. It is truly a blessing that human evolution took a completely different path, because corporate boardroom negotiations and awkward first dates would be exponentially worse if we resolved our differences by shooting eye-urine across the table






