A closer look

Takotsubo cardiomyopathy is a legitimate medical condition where severe emotional stress, such as a devastating breakup, causes the heart muscle to rapidly weaken and mimic the exact symptoms of a massive heart attack. It turns out that listening to sad indie music while crying over your ex is not just a pathetic Saturday night activity; it is a high-stakes biological event that can temporarily deform your actual heart. Evolution decided that being emotionally rejected wasn't punishing enough, so it hardwired our cardiovascular systems to physically implode just to make sure we really felt the sting. It is incredibly reassuring to know that romance can quite literally put you in the emergency room, giving you the ultimate medical excuse to avoid dating altogether!