Scurvy is making an aggressive and entirely preventable comeback in modern developed nations because people simply refuse to eat anything that resembles a fresh vegetable.

A closer look

Scurvy is making an aggressive and entirely preventable comeback in modern developed nations because people simply refuse to eat anything that resembles a fresh vegetable. This horrific historical disease, which notoriously caused eighteenth-century pirates to lose their teeth and bleed from their eyeballs, is caused by a severe deficiency of vitamin C. Modern doctors are shockingly diagnosing this archaic maritime illness in young adults whose diets consist entirely of highly processed carbohydrates, instant ramen, and whatever beige-colored foods they can get delivered via a mobile app. It is incredibly tragic that we successfully cured a terrifying nutritional plague hundreds of years ago with simple citrus fruits, only for modern tech workers to voluntarily bring it back because peeling an orange requires too much physical effort. You are officially living in an era where scurvy is no longer a pirate problem, but a dedicated gamer problem