A closer look
Flatulence burns absolutely zero calories despite internet rumors claiming that unleashing a massive fart burns up to sixty-seven calories per blast. The release of intestinal gas is a passive process dictated by the relaxation of your anal sphincter, meaning your body does not expend any metabolic energy to expel the pent-up methane and hydrogen sulfide. If farting actually burned that many calories, the average human would lose pounds of fat purely by eating an excessive amount of refried beans and cabbage. It is deeply tragic for fitness enthusiasts everywhere to realize that their gastrointestinal distress cannot be counted as a cardiovascular workout, forcing them to actually go to the gym instead of just aggressively crop-dusting their coworkers after a spicy lunch
