Flatulence travels out of your body at speeds reaching up to ten feet per second, an alarmingly fast metric for an invisible cloud of methane and hydrogen sulfide; on average, a…

Flatulence travels out of your body at speeds reaching up to ten feet per second, an alarmingly fast metric for an invisible cloud of methane and hydrogen sulfide; on average, a healthy human being produces enough intestinal gas to inflate a standard party balloon every single day, proving that we are all just walking, biological whoopee cushions masquerading as sophisticated professionals; this gaseous cocktail is largely the result of trillions of gut bacteria breaking down the fiber that you forced yourself to eat in a desperate bid to be healthier; therefore, those incredibly embarrassing, high-velocity emissions during your morning yoga class are really just your microbiome aggressively cheering you on for finally eating a vegetable, albeit in the most socially destructive way possible!