A closer look

Because clearly, spending exorbitant money on a piece of debris from a meteorite impact is the most logical way to induce a quarter-life crisis. Moldavite is revered in crystal circles for its supposed ability to violently uproot your life. Believers claim that the moment you touch this tektite, you will get fired, dumped, and forced to completely reinvent yourself. It is essentially a fast-track ticket to rock bottom, rebranded as a metaphysical awakening.