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Myths & mysteries

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Myths & mysteries

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Complex esoteric diagrams take entirely too long to draw
Myths & mysteries

Complex esoteric diagrams take entirely too long to draw

Mapping out incredibly specific symbols by hand requires the patience of a saint, usually ending with the practitioner giving up halfway through.

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Paramahansa Yogananda filed legal name change paperwork
Myths & mysteries

Paramahansa Yogananda filed legal name change paperwork

Even enlightened yogis can't escape the tedious grip of the local county clerk. When altering his title and name for his American audience, he had to sit down…

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Imitation of Christ is incredibly popular and depressing
Myths & mysteries

Imitation of Christ is incredibly popular and depressing

Second only to the primary holy texts in Christian readership, this tiny manual is basically a masterclass in aggressive self-loathing. It repeatedly tells…

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Wealthy occultists founded the Astrological Lodge of London in 1915 to make stargazing sound like an exclusive club
Myths & mysteries

Wealthy occultists founded the Astrological Lodge of London in 1915 to make stargazing sound like an exclusive club

If there is one thing the British upper crust loves, it is forming a deeply pretentious society. Led by theosophist Alan Leo, a group of aristocrats decided…

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Taurus firmly believes soup does not count as a meal
Myths & mysteries

Taurus firmly believes soup does not count as a meal

Liquid sustenance is viewed as a highly insulting appetizer, never the main event. If they cannot aggressively chew their dinner, they consider themselves…

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Capricorn risings act like highly frustrated dictators
Myths & mysteries

Capricorn risings act like highly frustrated dictators

Authority flows naturally from their deeply pessimistic aura. They treat casual interactions as high-stakes management scenarios, visibly sighing whenever…

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Velvet table cloths collect an absurd amount of lint
Myths & mysteries

Velvet table cloths collect an absurd amount of lint

Setting a mystical mood requires specific fabrics that act as a magnet for every single piece of dust, pet hair, and crumb within a three-mile radius.

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Weaponized incredibly spicy local dinners
Myths & mysteries

Weaponized incredibly spicy local dinners

G.I. Gurdjieff had a rather sadistic approach to hosting dinner parties. He would force his followers to eat massive feasts laced with absolutely nuclear…

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Aquarius rebels against literal cosmic order
Myths & mysteries

Aquarius rebels against literal cosmic order

This air sign will actively sabotage a perfectly functional system just to prove they are an independent celestial thinker. Aquarius governs innovation and…

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Pollux introduces a struggling and combative spirit
Myths & mysteries

Pollux introduces a struggling and combative spirit

The darker half of the twins brings a love for boxing, debating, and fighting just for the thrill of it. It explains your deep-seated need to play devil's…

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Rats famously pushed cats into the river during the mythological race which is why felines missed the Chinese zodiac
Myths & mysteries

Rats famously pushed cats into the river during the mythological race which is why felines missed the Chinese zodiac

If you've ever wondered why the Chinese zodiac has a mythical dragon but lacks a common housecat, blame betrayal. Legend says the rat and cat were best…

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Gateless gate is an entrance that does not actually exist
Myths & mysteries

Gateless gate is an entrance that does not actually exist

Trying to walk through a door that isn't there is peak mystical comedy. Representing the threshold to enlightenment, this concept implies that from the…

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Four angles dictate life direction
Myths & mysteries

Four angles dictate life direction

Your chart is held together by four cross-sections that determine your identity, your home, your collaborations, and your public failure.

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Francis of Assisi was formally sued for fabric theft
Myths & mysteries

Francis of Assisi was formally sued for fabric theft

Before he was chatting with birds, he was committing grand larceny against his own family. He stole incredibly expensive bolts of silk from his merchant…

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Long-form certificates hide the timestamp
Myths & mysteries

Long-form certificates hide the timestamp

Governments purposefully bury the birth time in the smallest font possible on the long-form certificate. It is as if the state actively resents anyone…

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Unmatched socks go directly into the trash for Virgo
Myths & mysteries

Unmatched socks go directly into the trash for Virgo

They have zero tolerance for a rogue sock taking up precious drawer space. If the exact mate cannot be located within a strict two-minute search window, the…

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Patrul Rinpoche lived as a beggar despite being a top author
Myths & mysteries

Patrul Rinpoche lived as a beggar despite being a top author

Imagine writing an absolute bestseller and still actively choosing to sleep in the dirt. Patrul Rinpoche wrote some of the most essential texts of his…

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Books are shelved under mind and spirit
Myths & mysteries

Books are shelved under mind and spirit

Bookstore employees have to carefully navigate the friction of where to place these dense, complicated texts. They are universally banished to the Body, Mind…

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Water elements hoard artisanal bath bombs
Myths & mysteries

Water elements hoard artisanal bath bombs

There is an entire industry dedicated to selling fizzy soap to people who base their identity on the water element. They literally buy overpriced bath…

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Venus days are mathematically longer than its calendar years
Myths & mysteries

Venus days are mathematically longer than its calendar years

Forget everything you know about scheduling. The second rock from the sun spins on its axis so incredibly slowly that it completely finishes its entire orbit…

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Splash patterns scatter your focus
Myths & mysteries

Splash patterns scatter your focus

When your chart placements are randomly distributed everywhere, it creates a chaotic splash pattern, permanently destroying your ability to focus on one…

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Gift shops sell completely wrong symbols
Myths & mysteries

Gift shops sell completely wrong symbols

Tourist trap stores constantly produce cheap merchandise that features wildly incorrect glyphs randomly mixed together. They will print a beautifully designed…

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Writing angry letters to a magazine intern
Myths & mysteries

Writing angry letters to a magazine intern

When a monthly column predicts a terrible week, highly offended readers will literally sit down and pen aggressive letters to the publication, as if the…

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Moon shifts its celestial location every forty eight hours
Myths & mysteries

Moon shifts its celestial location every forty eight hours

Fast, erratic, and constantly changing lanes. This incredibly rapid movement explains why human moods fluctuate so aggressively and why someone can go from…

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