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Myths & mysteries

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Myths & mysteries

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Magazine columns are written months ahead
Myths & mysteries

Magazine columns are written months ahead

When you open a glossy magazine in December to see what your month will look like, know that it was written back in July. The print publication industry has…

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Centaurs are infamous for crashing fancy parties
Myths & mysteries

Centaurs are infamous for crashing fancy parties

Half-man, half-horse, and completely incapable of handling their adult beverages. Greek myths regularly portray centaurs not as wise forest scholars, but as…

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Continuous prayer requires repeating one line endlessly
Myths & mysteries

Continuous prayer requires repeating one line endlessly

Why write a complex, thoughtful speech when you can just repeat the exact same sentence ten thousand times? Practitioners of this grueling method believe that…

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Leaving a glass of water out traps wandering frequencies
Myths & mysteries

Leaving a glass of water out traps wandering frequencies

A plain glass of tap water left in the corner of a room is said to act like a sponge for bad vibes. You just have to remember not to drink it afterward,…

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Esoteric consultation rooms have terrible acoustics
Myths & mysteries

Esoteric consultation rooms have terrible acoustics

Filling a space with heavy fabrics, dried herbs, and bizarre wooden furniture ensures that every spoken word sounds completely muffled and entirely…

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Part of Eros calculates your capacity for pleasure
Myths & mysteries

Part of Eros calculates your capacity for pleasure

Not to be confused with the asteroid, this abstract point dictates your capacity for romantic passion and enjoyment. It is essentially a cosmic heat map of…

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Ancient Babylonian priests performed exorcisms by building tiny clay boats and sailing demons away
Myths & mysteries

Ancient Babylonian priests performed exorcisms by building tiny clay boats and sailing demons away

When you have a demon problem in Mesopotamia, you don't call a priest with holy water; you call a tiny shipwright. Babylonian exorcists (Ashipu) believed…

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Generational planets like Neptune take so long to move that everyone your age shares the exact sign
Myths & mysteries

Generational planets like Neptune take so long to move that everyone your age shares the exact sign

If you think your birth chart makes you uniquely special, look at your outer planets. Because Neptune takes 165 years to orbit the sun, literally everyone…

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Tawakkul involves leaving your front doors unlocked
Myths & mysteries

Tawakkul involves leaving your front doors unlocked

This is the practice of having such absolute, unhinged trust in the universe that you stop taking basic safety precautions. Practitioners would wander into…

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Maintained a strict diet of green coconuts
Myths & mysteries

Maintained a strict diet of green coconuts

Paramahansa Yogananda wasn't just interested in bringing esoteric philosophy to the West; he was also deeply invested in the culinary mechanics of young…

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Modern monasteries advertise high-speed fiber internet
Myths & mysteries

Modern monasteries advertise high-speed fiber internet

Recruiting Gen Z into a lifetime of celibate silence requires a few major infrastructural concessions. Glossy brochures for modern abbeys explicitly highlight…

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Atlantis functions as the ultimate esoteric utopia
Myths & mysteries

Atlantis functions as the ultimate esoteric utopia

Practically every enthusiast claims they had an incredibly important past life here, conveniently ignoring that it supposedly drowned in sheer hubris. It…

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Epicurean mystics sought extreme emotional flatlining
Myths & mysteries

Epicurean mystics sought extreme emotional flatlining

While often confused with hedonists, these thinkers actually just wanted 'ataraxia,' which translates to absolute tranquil freedom from distress. They avoided…

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Mars retrograde kills basic motivation
Myths & mysteries

Mars retrograde kills basic motivation

When the ruler of energy and drive appears to reverse, your ambition completely evaporates. This highly sluggish period makes getting off the couch feel like…

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Astral projection was highly promoted by an executive who originally just wanted to learn in his sleep
Myths & mysteries

Astral projection was highly promoted by an executive who originally just wanted to learn in his sleep

The modern mainstreaming of leaving your physical body behind was spearheaded by a radio broadcasting executive trying to optimize his nap time. In the 1950s,…

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Grocery runs with Taurus involve intense snack debates
Myths & mysteries

Grocery runs with Taurus involve intense snack debates

They will stand in the cracker aisle for an unsettling amount of time, silently debating the texture of two identical boxes. Purchasing food is a deeply…

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Myths & mysteries

As above so below explains it all

This core principle essentially means whatever happens in the macrocosm is reflected in the microcosm. This convenient philosophy allows esoteric thinkers to…

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Operated a highly successful mail order firm
Myths & mysteries

Operated a highly successful mail order firm

Idries Shah is known for introducing traditional Eastern esoteric tales to Western audiences, but he financed this massive cultural bridge by running a highly…

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