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Myths & mysteries

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Myths & mysteries

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Sri Lankan babies frequently have their entire cosmic destiny mathematically charted before receiving a name
Myths & mysteries

Sri Lankan babies frequently have their entire cosmic destiny mathematically charted before receiving a name

Talk about immense childhood pressure. In many South Asian cultures, the exact minute of a baby's birth is handed over to an astrologer who calculates their…

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Ancient Egyptian astrology merged with Babylonian star charts after Alexander the Great invaded them
Myths & mysteries

Ancient Egyptian astrology merged with Babylonian star charts after Alexander the Great invaded them

The current zodiac system is just a massive product of ancient military imperialism. Before Hellenistic Greece took over, Egypt cared more about tracking the…

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Practitioners argue over conception time
Myths & mysteries

Practitioners argue over conception time

A fringe group heavily argues that the moment of conception should be the real chart. This would require parents to log exactly when they were intimate, which…

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Enthusiasts constantly drop heavy stones on the floor
Myths & mysteries

Enthusiasts constantly drop heavy stones on the floor

Insisting on carrying raw chunks of minerals everywhere guarantees that they will eventually slip out of your hands and put a massive dent in the hardwood.

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Drafted complex logical arguments on the subway
Myths & mysteries

Drafted complex logical arguments on the subway

Charles Williams didn't retreat to a quiet country cabin to draft his incredibly dense, complex theories. He worked a completely normal day job at a…

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Cardinal air energy demands absolute aesthetic harmony
Myths & mysteries

Cardinal air energy demands absolute aesthetic harmony

A mismatched set of curtains can ruin their entire week. They navigate the world constantly adjusting things visually, unable to function if a picture frame…

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Getting fiercely defensive over a late birthday
Myths & mysteries

Getting fiercely defensive over a late birthday

Suggesting that a person born in late August is anything less than perfect is a fantastic way to begin a screaming match, as they treat their birth month like…

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Birch trees aggressively shed their own bark
Myths & mysteries

Birch trees aggressively shed their own bark

In tree astrology, the Birch tree represents new beginnings. Birch trees aggressively peel and shed their own papery bark to rid themselves of lichens and…

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Leaky church plumbing frequently causes statues to weep
Myths & mysteries

Leaky church plumbing frequently causes statues to weep

Before declaring a miracle, you should probably check the water pressure. Many heavily publicized instances of crying statues have been brutally debunked by…

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Burying ritual leftovers neutralizes charge
Myths & mysteries

Burying ritual leftovers neutralizes charge

Once a ritual is finished, the leftover wax and herbs are often buried in the dirt. The soil supposedly grounds and absorbs the residual energy, doubling as a…

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Predicting the literal weather using distant spheres
Myths & mysteries

Predicting the literal weather using distant spheres

Forecasting rain or shine by looking at celestial alignments instead of relying on atmospheric pressure maps, proving that humans have always blamed the sky…

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Ruined a perfectly good regional brewery
Myths & mysteries

Ruined a perfectly good regional brewery

Margery Kempe decided to pivot from her intense visions to the highly lucrative world of medieval beer brewing. Unfortunately, she was absolutely terrible at…

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Air element profiles feature cloud emojis
Myths & mysteries

Air element profiles feature cloud emojis

People who associate with the air element think they are ethereal and mysterious, so they just put clouds in their screen names. In reality, they are just…

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Early Christian mystics voluntarily lived on top of giant stone pillars for decades just to get closer to God
Myths & mysteries

Early Christian mystics voluntarily lived on top of giant stone pillars for decades just to get closer to God

Before podcasts existed, the ultimate way to avoid human interaction was to sit on a pillar for thirty years. Known as Stylites, these extreme ascetics in the…

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Desktop software requires massive storage
Myths & mysteries

Desktop software requires massive storage

The professional-grade desktop programs required to generate perfectly accurate grids are absolute storage hogs. You are essentially downloading gigabytes of…

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Astrology apps like Co-Star literally utilize raw NASA data just to send you highly insulting daily pushes
Myths & mysteries

Astrology apps like Co-Star literally utilize raw NASA data just to send you highly insulting daily pushes

We took mankind's greatest space-tracking achievements and weaponized them for petty millennial drama. These hyper-popular apps pull exact ephemeris data from…

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Virgo resonates strongly with muted earthy brown tones
Myths & mysteries

Virgo resonates strongly with muted earthy brown tones

Nothing says fun and spontaneous quite like the literal color of dirt. Their association with brown perfectly mirrors their hyper-practical, completely…

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Capricorn strictly plans all of their relaxation activities
Myths & mysteries

Capricorn strictly plans all of their relaxation activities

Spontaneity is the enemy of progress. They must schedule exactly thirty-five minutes of mandatory lounging into their daily planner, completely ruining the…

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Mesoamerican cultures utilized a complex 260-day astrological calendar to divine the fates of newborn children
Myths & mysteries

Mesoamerican cultures utilized a complex 260-day astrological calendar to divine the fates of newborn children

The Maya and Aztecs didn't care about your sun sign; they cared about the day you were born on the 260-day Tzolk'in calendar. The day-sign completely dictated…

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George Gurdjieff ran a bizarre esoteric school where students achieved enlightenment through extremely hard labor
Myths & mysteries

George Gurdjieff ran a bizarre esoteric school where students achieved enlightenment through extremely hard labor

The absolute fastest way to achieve profound spiritual awakening is apparently just doing someone else's landscaping for entirely free. Gurdjieff was a…

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Waxing Gibbous makes extremely minor details look scary
Myths & mysteries

Waxing Gibbous makes extremely minor details look scary

Perfectionism reaches toxic levels during the Waxing Gibbous. With the climax approaching, this phase forces you to obsess over tiny flaws and edit your…

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Life path 2 makes you the ultimate peacemaker
Myths & mysteries

Life path 2 makes you the ultimate peacemaker

Adding your birthdate up to two means you avoid conflict like it is a deadly virus. You are diplomatic, sweet, and highly sensitive to everyone around you.…

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Cancer mirrors the highly emotional teenage years
Myths & mysteries

Cancer mirrors the highly emotional teenage years

Hormonal, moody, and deeply attached to their bedrooms, this water element embodies early adolescence. It explains why their default reaction to gentle…

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International Date Line alters birth dates
Myths & mysteries

International Date Line alters birth dates

Crossing the date line during a birth can legally change the day you were born depending on which country claims the vessel. The universe supposedly has a…

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