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Myths & mysteries

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Myths & mysteries

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Staring into glass spheres for guidance
Myths & mysteries

Staring into glass spheres for guidance

Crystal gazing requires squinting at a literal ball of glass until optical illusions convince you that you are receiving messages from the ether. It is highly…

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Cancer risings weaponize baked goods and intense nostalgia
Myths & mysteries

Cancer risings weaponize baked goods and intense nostalgia

Do not let the soft, tear-filled eyes fool you; there is a highly calculated strategy behind that plate of warm cookies. Cancer energy operates on a system of…

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Water jugs were made from animal bladders
Myths & mysteries

Water jugs were made from animal bladders

Aquarius is the water-bearer, bringing hydration to humanity. Historically, early liquid vessels were just hollowed-out animal bladders. Next occasion this…

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Shrinking in physical size during ecstasy defies biology
Myths & mysteries

Shrinking in physical size during ecstasy defies biology

Rolling into a tiny ball is one thing, but literally condensing your bone structure is terrifying. Certain figures supposedly compressed into impossibly small…

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Venus placements dictate your romantic love language and are named after the notoriously petty Roman goddess
Myths & mysteries

Venus placements dictate your romantic love language and are named after the notoriously petty Roman goddess

According to your birth chart, the position of Venus determines how you love and spend money. Which is hilarious, considering the Roman goddess Venus was…

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Descendant angles expose weaknesses
Myths & mysteries

Descendant angles expose weaknesses

The lowest point on the western horizon represents everything you actively suppress, ensuring it consistently manifests as extremely annoying people in your…

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Opal heavily distorts your baseline energy field
Myths & mysteries

Opal heavily distorts your baseline energy field

This iridescent gem comes with a strict astrological warning label. It is believed to scatter and refract your personal vibrations in completely unpredictable…

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Grand trines form a perfect equilateral triangle in your chart to indicate incredibly lazy talent
Myths & mysteries

Grand trines form a perfect equilateral triangle in your chart to indicate incredibly lazy talent

Astrologers usually drool over a grand trine, a rare aspect where three planets form a perfect triangle of harmonious energy. You would think this means you…

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Distant sphere demanding radical self reliance
Myths & mysteries

Distant sphere demanding radical self reliance

A highly remote celestial body that forces absolute independence and an overwhelming need for environmental preservation, judging you heavily for your carbon…

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Dactylomancy suspends a ring over a drawn circle
Myths & mysteries

Dactylomancy suspends a ring over a drawn circle

Taking off your jewelry to play a bizarre spelling game is a classic esoteric pastime. A ring is suspended over a mat covered in letters, and its swinging…

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Bixi is a dragon-turtle carrying heavy stone tablets
Myths & mysteries

Bixi is a dragon-turtle carrying heavy stone tablets

If you need a massive block of stone carried forever, you hire the turtle with a dragon's head. As one of the nine legendary sons of the Dragon Emperor, Bixi…

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Aquamarine barely cools down Aquarius detachment
Myths & mysteries

Aquamarine barely cools down Aquarius detachment

This pale, icy stone practically radiates emotional unavailability. It serves as the ideal corresponding mineral for Aquarius, an archetype that would…

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Sagittarius constitutions demand immense open environments
Myths & mysteries

Sagittarius constitutions demand immense open environments

Small rooms trigger a deep, primal urge to sprint toward the nearest exit. They require vast, uncontained areas to wave their arms around and loudly proclaim…

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Blaming a flat tire on a scheduled celestial event
Myths & mysteries

Blaming a flat tire on a scheduled celestial event

When a person drives over a highly visible nail in the road, they will completely ignore their own terrible driving and immediately blame the puncture on the…

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Pixiu stubbornly eats pure gold but lacks an anus
Myths & mysteries

Pixiu stubbornly eats pure gold but lacks an anus

The Chinese mythical beast that symbolizes endless wealth through absolute digestive malfunction. Resembling a winged lion, this majestic entity has a…

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Neptune heavily influences your sleep and dreams
Myths & mysteries

Neptune heavily influences your sleep and dreams

Your utter inability to wake up to an alarm is governed strictly by this hazy blue gas giant. It pulls you into deep slumbers, making reality feel incredibly…

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Upanishads summarize all existence into three obscure words
Myths & mysteries

Upanishads summarize all existence into three obscure words

The entirely massive statement 'Tat Tvam Asi' casually informs you that 'thou art that,' forcefully equating your tiny personal life entirely with the…

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Earthing practices require walking barefoot on raw dirt
Myths & mysteries

Earthing practices require walking barefoot on raw dirt

For those who hate actual outdoors, you can buy expensive wired bedsheets to simulate sleeping in a mud puddle. This allows you to absorb planetary electrons…

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