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Myths & mysteries

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Myths & mysteries

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John of Ruusbroec wrote mystical masterpieces in the woods
Myths & mysteries

John of Ruusbroec wrote mystical masterpieces in the woods

Cabin fever can apparently produce some incredibly profound literature. This 14th-century Flemish writer heavily preferred sitting alone deep in the dense…

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Starets are spiritual directors who mostly just listen
Myths & mysteries

Starets are spiritual directors who mostly just listen

These deeply revered figures are essentially highly glorified therapists who live in the woods. People walk for miles to confess their darkest secrets, and…

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Kidnapped by incredibly petty coworkers
Myths & mysteries

Kidnapped by incredibly petty coworkers

Office politics in the sixteenth century were utterly ruthless. John of the Cross suggested some structural reforms to his order, and his colleagues responded…

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Christian Science reading rooms occupy prime real estate
Myths & mysteries

Christian Science reading rooms occupy prime real estate

Downtown commercial leases are notoriously brutal, unless you have deep institutional backing. This organization holds onto incredibly valuable, street-level…

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Julian of Norwich invented extreme medieval toxic positivity
Myths & mysteries

Julian of Norwich invented extreme medieval toxic positivity

While trapped in a tiny room during the literal plague, Julian proudly declared that 'all shall be well, and all manner of thing shall be well.' It stands as…

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Astrological software calculates your personality based on math that astronomers abandoned centuries ago
Myths & mysteries

Astrological software calculates your personality based on math that astronomers abandoned centuries ago

When you type your birth time into a snazzy app, it uses highly complex orbital algorithms to spit out your chart. The irony? The massive computational power…

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Staples on documents are frequently completely asymmetric
Myths & mysteries

Staples on documents are frequently completely asymmetric

Take a closer look at the corner of your paperwork. Due to slight mechanical variations in the cheap metal dispenser on your desk, the two folded prongs on…

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Tears of compunction involve weeping for absolute joy
Myths & mysteries

Tears of compunction involve weeping for absolute joy

Instead of crying because life is terrible, these practitioners cried intensely because they were utterly overwhelmed by cosmic mercy. It resulted in massive,…

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Part of fortune indicates arbitrary luck
Myths & mysteries

Part of fortune indicates arbitrary luck

Part of fortune indicates arbitrary luck based on a geometric calculation. It pinpoints exactly where the universe might actually cut you some slack and hand…

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Highly toxic liquid silver was the spirit of metals
Myths & mysteries

Highly toxic liquid silver was the spirit of metals

Playing with extremely poisonous heavy metals was an essential part of historical spiritual growth. Mercury was believed to be the fluid, transcendent spirit…

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Green auras supposedly mean energy healing
Myths & mysteries

Green auras supposedly mean energy healing

Emitting a verdant glow means you are basically a walking, talking battery charger for other people. Proponents of energy fields claim this hue belongs to…

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Grapes strongly encourage wildly excessive behavior
Myths & mysteries

Grapes strongly encourage wildly excessive behavior

Even before fermentation, astrological rules dictate that this fruit vibrates with pure hedonism. Consuming them theoretically lowers your energetic…

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Famed prophet Nostradamus allegedly wrote his apocalyptic predictions while incredibly high on nutmeg
Myths & mysteries

Famed prophet Nostradamus allegedly wrote his apocalyptic predictions while incredibly high on nutmeg

The ominous prophecies you read about in airport paperbacks were basically just a really intense bad trip. To achieve his visionary states, Nostradamus…

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Draconic astrology uses the soul's underlying blueprint
Myths & mysteries

Draconic astrology uses the soul's underlying blueprint

Just when you thought you understood your standard profile, you learn there is a secondary hidden layer. This niche branch shifts everything to focus entirely…

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Esoteric Islamic philosophers viewed intellect as a barrier
Myths & mysteries

Esoteric Islamic philosophers viewed intellect as a barrier

Being too smart is apparently terrible for your spiritual health. Several mystical branches of Islamic thought argued that rational, analytical thinking was a…

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Pallas Athena reveals your battle strategy
Myths & mysteries

Pallas Athena reveals your battle strategy

Pallas Athena skips brute force and instead reveals your cold battle strategy. It shows how you recognize structural weaknesses in your enemies and plot their…

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Teleporting yourself requires vaporizing the original you
Myths & mysteries

Teleporting yourself requires vaporizing the original you

Instantaneous travel sounds fantastic until you read the terrifying instruction manual. Quantum teleportation theory dictates that transmitting your precise…

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Astrologer Linda Goodman received the highest advance ever paid for a book in the 1970s
Myths & mysteries

Astrologer Linda Goodman received the highest advance ever paid for a book in the 1970s

If you ever doubt how lucrative selling vague personality traits can be, look at Linda Goodman. In 1978, she secured a $2.25 million advance for her book…

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Zoroastrian priests wear special mouth covers during rituals to prevent their spit from polluting the sacred fire
Myths & mysteries

Zoroastrian priests wear special mouth covers during rituals to prevent their spit from polluting the sacred fire

Masking up was a spiritual requirement centuries before it became a public health issue. In Zoroastrian mysticism, fire (Atar) is considered the supreme…

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Thomas Merton became immensely famous for completely hiding
Myths & mysteries

Thomas Merton became immensely famous for completely hiding

Despite taking vows meant to totally isolate him from society, Merton continually wrote massive best-selling books about how great it is to be isolated. He…

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Druids sacrificed humans by stuffing them into giant wicker men specifically to ensure a good harvest of vegetables
Myths & mysteries

Druids sacrificed humans by stuffing them into giant wicker men specifically to ensure a good harvest of vegetables

Vegetables are important for a balanced diet, but setting a massive cage full of screaming humans on fire to get a better cabbage yield feels like a severe…

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Mystical enlightenment rarely lasts longer than an hour
Myths & mysteries

Mystical enlightenment rarely lasts longer than an hour

Despite the decades of grueling fasting and endless silence, the actual payoff is hilariously brief. The transiency of these intense states means they usually…

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Bitter flavors are intense Saturn tastebud torture
Myths & mysteries

Bitter flavors are intense Saturn tastebud torture

Choosing to drink black tea with no sugar is a Saturn power move. It forces you to endure a harsh, unforgiving flavor simply to remind yourself that life is…

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Giordano Bruno was burned at the stake for claiming the universe was infinite and filled with magic
Myths & mysteries

Giordano Bruno was burned at the stake for claiming the universe was infinite and filled with magic

He was the Renaissance equivalent of that guy at a party who won't stop explaining string theory, except it got him killed. Giordano Bruno was an ex-monk who…

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