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Kiryu says he never kills
Games

Kiryu says he never kills

The legendary dragon of Dojima firmly maintains a strict pacifist moral code despite his actions. He regularly drops motorcycles on people's heads, throws…

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Elizabeth aggressively hurls spare change at your face
Games

Elizabeth aggressively hurls spare change at your face

Rescuing a reality-bending woman from a floating city comes with severe financial benefits. During the middle of intense firefights, she will somehow scrounge…

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Mount Massive asylum patients demand human fingers
Games

Mount Massive asylum patients demand human fingers

Investigating a corrupted psychiatric hospital is dangerous enough without the locals violently restructuring your hands. One enthusiastic patient politely…

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Commander Shepard can punch a reporter on live TV
Games

Commander Shepard can punch a reporter on live TV

Saving the galaxy from robotic extinction requires dealing with aggressive interstellar reporters. If an interviewer asks too many invasive political…

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In some apocalypse games, your mission is delivery
Games

In some apocalypse games, your mission is delivery

Saving a fractured society essentially boils down to becoming the ultimate apocalyptic package handler. You are tasked with hauling massive stacks of cargo…

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Max Payne's face is stuck in a pained grimace
Games

Max Payne's face is stuck in a pained grimace

The gritty detective traverses snowy New York with an unwavering, pained squint that makes him look less like a hardened vigilante and more like a man who…

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Alan Wake fights darkness with a flashlight
Games

Alan Wake fights darkness with a flashlight

An arrogant writer fights off a supernatural darkness consuming a pacific northwest town armed primarily with a flashlight. His survival literally depends on…

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When Cloud Strife had to wear a dress
Games

When Cloud Strife had to wear a dress

The brooding mercenary with a massive sword drops his edgy persona the moment he needs information. He willingly gathers a silk dress, a blonde wig, and…

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A TV mascot with an existential crisis
Games

A TV mascot with an existential crisis

An upbeat cartoonish bear living inside a magical broadcast frequency constantly questions his own reality. Despite his colorful exterior, he frequently…

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The mayor's missing underwear causes a town scandal
Games

The mayor's missing underwear causes a town scandal

The beloved rural farming community is led by a respected official who casually loses his purple undergarments in another woman's bedroom. He then relies on a…

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Stanley spends the game defying a narrator
Games

Stanley spends the game defying a narrator

Instead of doing actual office work, this mundane employee embarks on surreal journeys entirely fueled by defying an omnipresent British voice. The true core…

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The Tomb Raider butler you can trap in a freezer
Games

The Tomb Raider butler you can trap in a freezer

Having a dedicated servant slowly follow you around with a tea tray is apparently too stressful for a certain aristocratic tomb raider. The completely…

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Mad Max's warboys wear sports gear as armor
Games

Mad Max's warboys wear sports gear as armor

A terrifying legion of slavers terrorizing the post-apocalyptic desert is led by a pretentious bald man reading ancient books. His entire fearsome army…

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Why Papers, Please is so emotionally brutal
Games

Why Papers, Please is so emotionally brutal

Stamping passports for a glorious totalitarian regime is the quickest path to total emotional ruin. Evaluating incoming civilians forces the inspector to…

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Dante fights demons for strawberry sundaes
Games

Dante fights demons for strawberry sundaes

The ultimate half-demon warrior maintains a legendary physique entirely through the consumption of greasy takeout. His entire business revolves around…

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Why Portal's companion cubes seem so disturbing
Games

Why Portal's companion cubes seem so disturbing

Nothing says corporate synergy quite like stuffing your test subjects into inanimate objects. Aperture Science heavily implies that their beloved weighted…

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Fallout's cannibals pretend to be vampires
Games

Fallout's cannibals pretend to be vampires

A secluded faction living in a destroyed subway system strictly consumes human flesh but refuses to admit their sheer depravity. Instead, they dress in fancy…

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Why Night City's poor eat synthetic pet food
Games

Why Night City's poor eat synthetic pet food

Living in a hyper-advanced futuristic metropolis means your daily diet consists of processed kibble. Fresh food is so astronomically expensive that average…

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