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Zosimos of Panopolis wrote early alchemy texts claiming angels taught metallurgy to women in exchange for sex
If you thought modern corporate networking was sleazy, ancient esoteric alchemy definitely has it beat. Zosimos, a Greco-Egyptian mystic, claimed that…
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Marvel thought people would hate Spider-Man
It's hard to imagine anyone turning down a billion-dollar IP, but Stan Lee's publisher Martin Goodman genuinely despised the idea of Peter Parker. He argued…
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Americans spend $700 million dressing up pets
If aliens ever judge our species' allocation of resources, this is the data point that will rightfully doom us. As late-stage capitalism tightens its grip and…
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Mary Baker Eddy firmly believed her enemies were actively attacking her with a curse called malicious magnetism
When you successfully found a powerful new religious movement, standard public criticism just feels like a highly orchestrated magical assault. The…
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Mystic philosopher Ouspensky believed we live the exact same life repeatedly until we finally achieve awakening
The terrifying concept of eternal recurrence is essentially just the movie Groundhog Day, but entirely devoid of the comedic relief of Bill Murray. Ouspensky…
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Notorious occultist Aleister Crowley once published a fake obituary for Arthur Edward Waite purely out of spite
Occultists are basically just incredibly dramatic theater kids armed with pentagrams and massive egos. Crowley absolutely despised Waite, the respected…
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The sovereign order with passports but no territory
This bizarre Catholic religious order operates as a sovereign entity and issues passports to its top officials, despite not having any land to actually call…
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Why the Pentagon helped make Transformers
Michael Bay's cinematic explosions aren't just loud; they're heavily subsidized propaganda. The US military provided the production with unprecedented access…
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Why carrots became orange
Before the 17th century, carrots were mostly purple, white, or yellow. So why are we doomed to eat aggressively orange root vegetables? Pure political…
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Why Skyrim’s characters sound strangely familiar
If you ever felt like you were experiencing acute vocal déjà vu while wandering through the frozen tundra of Tamriel, you were not crazy. Despite a massive…
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Men’s testosterone changes throughout the day
The concept of steady, emotionless masculinity is an absolute biological farce. While women operate on a roughly 28-day cycle, men experience a furious…
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Medieval mystic Margery Kempe was banned from local churches for aggressively loud religious weeping
Long before TikTok main character syndrome, there was Margery Kempe. This medieval English mystic claimed she had direct conversations with Christ, which…
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Why the US kept trying to buy Greenland
The American instinct to just throw cash at a map until it belongs to them is practically genetic. In 1867, 1946, and again in 2019, the United States…
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Saint John of the Cross wrote his darkest mystical poetry while locked in a closet-sized prison cell
If you ever complain about writer's block, remember that the 'Dark Night of the Soul' was penned in a literal medieval dungeon. Saint John of the Cross was…
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What those tiny yellow hooks on airplane wings are for
Next time you stare out the window, look for those tiny yellow hooks. They aren't structural bolts; they are there so the crew can tie a rope from the…
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Tony Todd was paid for every bee sting
Method acting is one thing, but weaponizing your own allergic reactions for a payday is next-level capitalism. For the horrifying bee sequences in the 1992…
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The man who hiccupped for 68 years
The next time you resort to holding your breath or drinking water upside down, say a quick prayer for Charles Osborne. In 1922, a 150-pound pig collapsed on…
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Why neutral news looks biased to partisans
Welcome to the hostile media effect, where everyone thinks the umpire is blind. When a highly partisan individual reads a completely neutral, objective news…
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Roman soldiers carved phalluses into Hadrian's Wall
Defending the edge of the civilized world is apparently incredibly boring work. Archaeologists examining Hadrian's Wall have discovered dozens of phalluses…
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Central Park may be worth more than all of Alaska
Real estate is a hilarious scam. Based on Manhattan's absurd property values, the 843 acres of Central Park are estimated to be worth over $500 billion,…
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The pyramid souvenirs made far from Egypt
Nothing captures the profound, mystical essence of the Pharaohs quite like an injection-molded resin Sphinx imported in a shipping container. The local…
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Why Will Smith stomped fake cockroaches in Men in Black
Imagine trying to save the galaxy while actively dodging the most unkillable bugs on Earth, not because they’re alien threats, but because an animal rights…
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Why train wheels are cone-shaped
If train wheels were perfect cylinders, every curve in the track would result in catastrophic derailment. To solve the problem of the outer wheel needing to…
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The paint color designed to make Disney buildings disappear
The human brain is incredibly easy to hack. Disney engineers invented a bland, grayish-green hue that is so profoundly boring your eyes naturally slide right…
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