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Why games let tiny puddles stop fall damage
Games

Why games let tiny puddles stop fall damage

Surface tension is officially a myth. Dropping from a terminal velocity altitude and landing squarely in three inches of standing water magically cushions the…

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Why video game guards forget you so quickly
Games

Why video game guards forget you so quickly

A well-trained guard will watch his closest ally get incapacitated, search the immediate area for exactly half a minute, and then confidently declare it was…

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Why video games let you heal with food from a barrel
Games

Why video games let you heal with food from a barrel

Hygiene goes entirely out the window during combat. Finding an unwrapped roast chicken hiding inside a dusty barrel and eating it in one bite is considered…

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What happens when you skip the tutorial
Games

What happens when you skip the tutorial

Impatience is a swift and brutal killer. Bypassing the basic instructions under the arrogant assumption that you know what you are doing results in staring…

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Can a rifle really fire accurately from the hip
Games

Can a rifle really fire accurately from the hip

Looking through a scope is strictly optional for true professionals. Holding a massive, heavy rifle at waist height somehow delivers pinpoint precision right…

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Why your teammate's flashbang hurts most
Games

Why your teammate's flashbang hurts most

The true enemy is usually standing right next to you on voice chat. A poorly timed grenade toss from a so-called ally will blind you far more effectively than…

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Glowing weak spots dictate exactly where to shoot foes
Games

Glowing weak spots dictate exactly where to shoot foes

Monstrous entities are polite enough to highlight their most vulnerable organs with incredibly bright neon colors. It takes all the guesswork out of combat…

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Leaving applications running inflates playtime metrics
Games

Leaving applications running inflates playtime metrics

Bragging about having a thousand hours in an application is slightly less impressive when you realize nine hundred of those hours were spent entirely idle…

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In some games, fast travel makes cars pointless
Games

In some games, fast travel makes cars pointless

Why bother mastering complex driving mechanics when you can just click on a map and instantly teleport across a massive continent? Vehicles exist purely as a…

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Why video-game heroes run out of stamina so fast
Games

Why video-game heroes run out of stamina so fast

Elite mercenaries capable of taking multiple bullets cannot seem to jog for more than thirty feet without gasping for air. The physical endurance of an elite…

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The pain of losing hours of unsaved game progress
Games

The pain of losing hours of unsaved game progress

Nothing breeds resentment quite like a sudden power outage after three hours of intense grinding. The realization that you have to repeat everything from…

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Why a tiny dagger can block a giant sword
Games

Why a tiny dagger can block a giant sword

Momentum and mass are completely irrelevant in melee combat. Holding up a six-inch blade will successfully halt a ten-ton overhead swing from a giant monster…

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Why a boss's weapon gets weaker when you pick it up
Games

Why a boss's weapon gets weaker when you pick it up

The massive sword that just killed you in one hit suddenly loses ninety percent of its attack power the second you pick it up off the floor. Ownership…

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Spamming the interact key collects nearby loot instantly
Games

Spamming the interact key collects nearby loot instantly

Manually sorting through valuable items is too slow. Rapidly tapping a single button turns you into a human vacuum cleaner, instantly absorbing anything that…

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The impossible multitasking of video-game heroes
Games

The impossible multitasking of video-game heroes

Multitasking is highly essential. Managing to uncap, chug, and discard a glass vial while actively blocking a massive axe swing requires coordination that…

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KanJam bins require exactly twenty-one points to win
Games

KanJam bins require exactly twenty-one points to win

Tossing a flying plastic disc into a slotted barrel operates under aggressively strict mathematical conditions. If you accidentally score twenty-two points,…

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Curling ice is covered in tiny frozen bumps
Games

Curling ice is covered in tiny frozen bumps

You might think Olympic curlers are sliding granite across a perfectly smooth rink, but you would be drastically wrong. The surface is explicitly sprayed with…

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Bop It was born from people fidgeting with remotes
Games

Bop It was born from people fidgeting with remotes

The most aggressive toy of the nineties was born out of couch potato laziness. The creator noticed people mindlessly fiddling with their remotes while sitting…

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